Surrender and Contentment!

So, its true! We have officially been here 2 months! You know how that goes! I feel like, how did that fly by, and at the same time feel like it’s been an eternity! I look at the calendar and realize, Oh my goodness, I only have 4 more weeks here. At the same time, I see that calendar with great amounts of homesickness and feel as if April 15 is never going to arrive!! Lol! It is such an experience living here. I truly believe a life change, culture change (whether moving to another city, state, or country) always brings about similar struggles and adventures. For example, I cannot believe that God has enabled and equipped us to come half way across the world for 3 months. If you would have told me a year ago that me and my husband would be in Cambodia for 3 months and I would be teaching a hair class. I would have given you a million reasons why none of those things were possible. Just the fact that I am away from home for 3 months is a miracle to me. Much less in a completely different world! So, needless to say I would never trade this experience! I mean, even if God directs us to be the hands and feet of Jesus in Fort Worth, the things we have been exposed to has changed us more than we probably even realize. The funny thing about dreams are, they are never what we expect them to be. I thought I would be in Cambodia, saving the world, and experiencing the most supernatural things on a day to day basis. That I would feel like a hero. That I would feel the most worth ever, because I know I am where I am supposed to be. But the truth is, we are people and we struggle! Lol!

So we are in a land we never thought was possible, and God has made it abundantly clear that this is where we are to be. Yet, I still seem to struggle. I’m sure your saying “Duh.” Ha! But seriously when I dream, or think of the next adventure, I figure it will somehow be a new level of life without the struggles of the world. But the truth is, those struggles will be there. I am in Cambodia, living the “dream.” There is a slight chance that you wish you were here where we are. While we sometimes wish were where you are! Isn’t that funny? But honestly, circumstances have nothing to do with it. It is my attitude, my heart, and my dependency on Jesus that will make me content. So, the theme of my learning experiences lately has been about Being Content. I think there is more freedom to this than we realize. I don’t want to live my whole life thinking “If things we different, then I would be happier” or “If we lived by ourselves, things would be so much better” or “If we had more money, it would be easier” or “If we lived there…Gosh, life would be awesome.” I think this kind of thinking is one I talk to Jesus about a lot!

So, how do we stay content? I’m not quite sure I have any answers. But lately, I have learned that just being absolutely truthful with the Lord about where I am is the start. Yes he already knows where I am. But there is something about saying it, pouring out my heart to him, and trusting him to meet me where I am. I don’t have to sugar coat things and explain myself. For example: Last week I fel into a low spot of homesickness and sadness and felt useless. But…I felt like I shouldn’t feel this way, so I tried to ignore it. I felt like I would be letting people down and God down if I felt that way, when I should be tearing through Cambodia with the utmost confidence and zeal! So I knew it was there but I kept on truckin! Then last Wednesday, it caught up with me. I cried a lot and then poured out my heart to Jesus. I told him everything. “I’m sick of this, I want this, I hate this, I miss this, I don’t understand this”…blah blah blah. And yes, I sounded like a spoiled brat. But that doesn’t change the fact that those were my emotions. And the fact that I didn’t have to sugarcoat them, was awesome. And by doing that, God spoke to me in a way I desperately needed with these verses:

Psalm 51:6-19
Surely you desire truth in the inner parts;
you teach me wisdom in the inmost place.
Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
Let me hear joy and gladness;
let the bones you have crushed rejoice.
Hide your face from my sins
and blot out all my iniquity.
Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.
Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.
Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
and sinners will turn back to you.
Save me from bloodguilt, O God,
the God who saves me,
and my tongue will sing of your righteousness.
O Lord, open my lips,
and my mouth will declare your praise.
You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;
you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.
The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart,
O God, you will not despise.
In your good pleasure make Zion prosper;
build up the walls of Jerusalem.
Then there will be righteous sacrifices,
whole burnt offerings to delight you;
then bulls will be offered on your altar.

The sections that I bolded and underlined are the parts that leaped off the page for me. Through reading these verses. God spoke to me in a way those showed me how to pray, here, in the place I am at. So I guess what I am trying to say is, even though change brings about struggles, which brings about discontentment, through surrendering fully…he frees us. He speaks to us. And speaks purpose into our life. And for me, now I have something to pray, every time I feel homesick or discontent. That God would speak to me and speak wisdom into my soul! That He would be the answer. Not change of circumstance, but Him!  I may just be saying these things to myself, but I figured maybe someone has experienced something similar! So I am very greatful about all that He is teaching. And about the fact that I can pray every day that my sacrifice would be a broken spirit, and a broken and contrite heart! By doing that, I think great things will happen for the Glory of God. So I guess surrender and contentment are the themes lately!

Stay tuned for our update, which will be posted later today!!
With much love,
Meghan